i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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