Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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