Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it's like heaven, but drunker
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
