Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
