so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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