Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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