Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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