So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
