just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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