Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
