Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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