Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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