I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
