Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
3pm strippers are depressing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize