My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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