Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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