My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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