I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
