man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
