he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
