the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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