Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
