I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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