He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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