He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
