About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize