She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
