Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
