I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
