I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
