Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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