remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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