She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
