i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
