Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
