Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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