i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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