I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
operation have a gay friend backfired
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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