you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
