Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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