it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
