how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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