i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
