covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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