How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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