Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
