WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
