remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize