I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
