he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
