omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
