Michael Bay diarrhea
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's blow job season.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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