ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
