and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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