Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
