she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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