OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dignity is for republicans.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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