it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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