I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
As shirtless as possible
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize