So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
