So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
