the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
