you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize