Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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