she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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