You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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