I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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