There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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